Is there anywhere where I can let out how i truly feel without stumbling anyone. If yes, then it'll be here. But i would think the answer to be no. Anywae, I think i'll just do it. If i'm walking close to God then i would but if i'm not i will.

These few days i've just been feeling..hmm..i dunno how to explain. When you're far from God, you know it i guess. haiz. Being far far away from God and near near near to Him is two different things; two different feelings. I've been down.(of cos everybody has their own in life) Actually I think it's bcos of a few sins. Anywae, spending time with God, reading the Bible and praying to me is very important, and i'm very particular about it. Hmm..i guess that's just me. When I don't do it, i'll feel gulity. Sometimes, this is always the thing which leads me to feeling down. I dunno why.

These few days didn't spend time with God. I know people always say reading the Bible everyday is important, and i guess thats true. Was feeling very far from Him, and i hardened my heart, and i just didn't care. But during that very short period, somewhere deep deep down in my heart i knew i needed God. Something down there was saying "Go on, go to God". Stupid me, i continued on to go agaist Him..

To be frank, when i'm down i run to people and that's not trusting God first. Whenever crisis come, i'll run to people and not Him. Haiz..that's one out of the many things I need to change. I need to learn to run to God in time of trouble. If i don't i'll die- i'll die spiritually. I've been running to people for quite some time i think it's become a habit, I regret doing so, cos i'm finding it very hard to stop. I'll have to learn things the hard way i guess. Is it too late? i don't think so...maybe it is a little. But God always gives Second chances rite? =)

This is somethings from my heart. I just can't keep it in anymore, but i'm gald i've let it out. =) Hope no one will get stumbled or anything. This is me-me and my many faluts. I hope you guys will be patient with me-i'm still learning and i'm not perfect. But, Thanks. =D

Listening to Pastor Mike preaching the sermon. Lordship-Your Surrender to the saviour.
dun really wanna post now. maybe later. i'm just not right with Him.

wah..long time never post liao..

Monday went to church for prayer..

Tuesday..erm..erm..was planning to go to church but couldn't..

Wed..had SS training. was quite fun. meet up with mum at campus crusade. she bought some stuff for church library.. i bought a couple of books ( which really cost me a BOMB..)

today which is thursday. V-principal is leaving the school. sad dae. had thanksgiving concert. afterthat when to church to celebrate Marcus's birthday. They dunked him into the water..but i wasen't there. hanged around in church for awhile and then mum said had to go home.

Tomorrow. is the last day of School. Also the day which i will know if i have chicken pox. haha. Thank God up till now, no signs. =D

die..die..die..learning to post like Anne now.. haha lazy to type more. you can go on and imagine what else happened to me. hee hee. that's all for now.

Hmm..friends who are still thinking about going to teenz camp.

Sherlyn (depends on what dates the parents book the holiday)
Aileen ( can go. but will only go if Sherlyn goes)
Desiree ( can go. but have another camp going on too. still undecied)
Jarrod ( asking parents )

haha. Decided to make this a colourful post. =)

didn't post for a long time liao. i really dunno, but could it be that it's not God's will for me to go to teenz camp? haiz. really dunno. going to teenz camp, can experience God, have fun and fellowship. if i dun go to camp dosen't actually mean i can't experience God..hmm..i guess can experience God anywhere anytime right?

Thursday
Went to church for teenz prayer meeting. ate lunch then after that some of the teenz went ice-skating. couldn't go.had to go home cos mum said so...

Friday
hmm..went to school in the morning. duh! then came home, changed, went to church. had teenz prayer and worship. really a very good time of worship, ian shared on Exodous 13:21-22 how we have lost our awe of God. I was brought up in a christian home so from young also learnt all the Bible "head-knowledge" but never knew what was heart knowledge till much older. Heard all the Bible stories and stuff, now, it goes one ear in one ear out. Haiz..really have lost that awe of God. tell me God lives in me, i'm just not amazed..argh.. i know i should be amazed but..how do i get back that awe of God?

Saturday
Stayed at home for the fear of infecting other people with chicken pox. really cleared up my room this time. yay! and put braces on, it's light blue. Bev also got put, same day yeah! so qiao. now very tight, and can't really eat.

Today
Pastor Mike preached a really good message on God's answer for man's Adversity. hmm..must go and listen again.. cos was copying notes but wasen't really listening..as in listening. and not one ear in one ear out that kind of thing. was very distracted today during worship and the preaching. Satan was trying to use something to distract me. A temptation. argh! so irratating.

This chicken pox trial..and the fear of getting it, i have learnt:

-how loners or people left out , rejected and dispised really feel. sad leh..
-God makes no mistakes
-Rejoice in the Lord
-Look up, not at yourselves and your circumstances. Look up to your Almighty God!
-Trust in the Lord, never others like people or things. They will fail you. If not now it will be later.
-Prayer is vital and important. (But sadly i myself have failed to have a good prayer life )

all these too can become head knowledge for me, but may God help me to apply it in life.

The start of my isolation period. Probably next week Friday, Sat and sun wouldn't be able to come.

cried myself to sleep last night. it's over don't want to talk about it anymore, just know that i'm back with God AGAIN... dun want to stray anymore..so past it's pat i'll start off with a new begining..going for Sports School training soon so will be posting a short one.

just found out that my Brother has chicken pox. so must PRAY for him ok? don't only say will but must really do it. many times i'm guilty too, of saying that i will pray, but in the end never. most probably i'll get it unless a miracle happenes..which is possible. if i get wouldn't be able to go camp..cos my mum dad and sis all got b4 so i'll be the one most likely to get it.. hm.. this is something new to me. God teaches through lessons. maybe He's trying to teach me to trust and rest in Him. anywae, whatever it is i'll follow His will.

that's all for now, will update soon if i can get to use the com..

wah..really dun feel like going school..wanna pon. two weeks left liao. anywae, i wouldn't pon for the glory of the Lord. so pls be my accountable partners.. two weeks left, must ren! though go school nothting to do also..

anywae, last friday made a commitment to read the Bible daily and pray for revival daily..but i failed terribly.. i think almost everyday also didn't bother to spend time with God. haiz. failed God this time round but will try not to this week. made another commitment today for the next week to read the Bible daily and pray too..hope i wouldn't fail God this time.. so pls be my accountable partners too..=) i read quite afew times that saying a commitment is one thing and doing it is a totally different thing too.. how you know you have really done and not only say? it will result in a change life..=D so hope i will not only say but will do..

pray for Anne that she will be able to get back her flute and the Link..

Prayer Request

About my friends coming for teenz camp i invited Sherlyn,Benita and Desiree from my class one, all girls. Desiree also got amother camp around the same dates there.. so dunno which one will she be going to..
then my classmate, Jonathan. His mum know's my mum. then his mum want him to grow spiritually in the Lord. so want him to come to camp but i don't dare invite him. and if i invite him i also need to think of summore boys to invite..cannot only invite him one boy go rite?
i also thought of maybe inviting my SS friends.. but haven't yet. hmmm...not sure leh..scared not enough places left.

ypus..now in Computer lab in school. have been in the school hall for practically the whole morning..my legs are aching..well, this marks the start of another busy and mad-rush weekend. once i get home, eat and go for Sports school training then chiong to Church for teenz worship. wah, confirmed very sleeply and tired during teenz worship. i just have this feeling that things will never be the same for me again.. i'll be more busy and everything. things i wanna do but also no time to do. argh. some pple too much time dunno what to do, but i is no time. I just wish that i wouldn't forget God. and that my love for Him will not decrease but increase. it's sumimes real easy for me to just be like the world and follow friends but i don't want to. cause i find no meaning-ABSOULTY no meaning in listening to wordly music and chasing idols. yup. that's just me.. i gtg now, cos school's goanna end liao. catch up with you guys another time. =)

UpDates on What's going on in my life.

i wonder when i sang God's Refining Fire was i singing it from my heart, but anywae, what i'm going through now is kinda hard to explain. Maybe can say it's God's refining fire. I'm finding it hard now..I think it was on Tuesday morning on the way to school where i read two Devotionals. it really spoke to my heart. and i dun think it's "so happen" that i turn to that page to read, cos i was just flipping through the Experiencing God Devotional book. then found a topic to read on then i read. the first was on Trusting God first, the second was on repentance.

I think it was Tuesday night when my mum borrowed my phone to send out messages to her students, then Wed afternoon-i found all the messages in the Inbox of my phone gone.. my mum sae she didn't delete anything so up till now i dunno how that happened.. but anywae, the messages in the Inbox were very precious to me. there were some from as far back as Novemember last year, that's like..1 year ago. so everything's gone..but, it had a relation with what i read the day b4 on Trusting God first..i realised some sin i had that i did not know of before..i wanna let go, give it to God. but if i don't then i think it'll become a habit. i'm quite lost now. dun really know what to do.

Job 23:10
But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.